criticism for the sake of criticism
is it just me, or do people that use two question marks at the end of a sentence sound crazy??
suck on a tea bag
Your body is a coffee filter
Welcome to another episode of Choices
where we live with them. Tonight’s choices are: Whiskey and The Black Keys
From: C To: Everyone Time: 9:01pm Got it back. Looks great. Can you clear the app history for us tonight? Please confirm From: C To: Everyone Time: 10:24pm Guys, did you see this? Can you clear the posting history on the app for us so we can go live? From: C To: Everyone Time: 10:52pm Guys, can someone please respond?
The internet pays me $97 an hour
The internet has blessed me with a job. All hail the internet.
diversify your portfolio
Stroke Log Day 1 →
After the anniversary of the stroke (Feb. 14th), I’ve decided to start writing about it a bit.
the key to jack's heart
always use “what” in wtf
Your friend, Jark
if you like this icon better, raise your hand. PUT YOUR HAND DOWN CARLOS, YOU DON’T COUNT.
You: where is your father right now?
You: last person thought "dead" was a location
You: what a moron
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
When I see the responses to this prompt on Okcupid, I feel that most people have polarised parts of their life into public things and private things, without considering that there are things in between. When someone asks to see what’s in their private bucket, they are appalled and state “if I told you, it wouldn’t be private anymore.” While this excuse may have worked...
my name is jack and i collect paper products
it's valentine's day
so let facebook suggest that you send gifts to every single girl on your friends list
a sneeze so big it messes up your eyebrows
Jack Humbert ? Hello! I am Mary, Are you single and trying to find someone to have fun? I am the one who can make you a wonderful company. Lets chat! Dear Mary, Are you: questioning whether or not you have sent an email to Jack Humbert? asking if I want to find someone who is able to have fun, or to have fun with that someone? implying that I am not already a wonderful company? implying...
you are not the demographic
it’s groundhog season
a solution to a problem
stalkers can be nice the ones that lie on the ground the ones that are dead
how to find a screw you dropped in the carpet
you can’t. give up.
Hey, is that my salsa?
YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT LOVE IS
Does that smell like radiator coolant?
There are no answers for that, only problems.
“What are some goals you have in life?” “I just want some Chinese food right now.”
feeling a little hot?
accidentally dump some water down your shirt so it runs down your entire chest without stopping
what to do when your milk has expired
what do you mean it expires is that why it smells funny
Warning: No degrees available
i don’t know any normal people i don’t tow many normal people i don’t own many normal steeples i won’t grow many corns this season i won’t row many oars this season i can’t write many more of these things
you’ll walk alone until you trip and then you’ll sit have fun with that sitting can be fun
“language is stupid! words is gay!” a cute little girl walked up to say. “that’s not very nice. you, hey. some are quite neat, wouldn’t you say?” “i don’t like me any. none. nay.” the man walked on over, out of his way, looked at her frown, and shouted “YAY. i need you to hear me, listen, k? go home and read. a screen, a book. even a...
a list can do quite a few things but one it won’t is learn to sing
As I awoke, the words “I’m a fucking teapot” rang in my ears.
have you ever
had to make choices?
shoot, how many days are there in december?
He wasn’t a “Yes Man” as much as he was an “Mhm Man.
I dropped out of college, and all I’ve to show for it is a job.
how to stop people from freaking out about STDs call them STDizzles
what’s that disease when you think things in real life are photoshopped?
needless to say?
i know i do.
what’s a thing is this a thing yes good what thing ok