May 2013
4 posts
criticism for the sake of criticism
May 9th
is it just me, or do people that use two question marks at the end of a sentence sound crazy??
May 5th
(optional)
suck on a tea bag
May 4th
1 note
Your body is a coffee filter
May 1st
April 2013
3 posts
1 tag
Welcome to another episode of Choices
where we live with them. Tonight’s choices are: Whiskey and The Black Keys
Apr 27th
2 notes
Apr 25th
6 notes
From: C To: Everyone Time: 9:01pm Got it back. Looks great. Can you clear the app history for us tonight?  Please confirm From: C To: Everyone Time: 10:24pm Guys, did you see this?  Can you clear the posting history on the app for us so we can go live? From: C To: Everyone Time: 10:52pm Guys, can someone please respond?
Apr 4th
March 2013
2 posts
The internet pays me $97 an hour
The internet has blessed me with a job. All hail the internet.
Mar 12th
1 note
diversify your portfolio
Mar 1st
February 2013
14 posts
Stroke Log Day 1 →
After the anniversary of the stroke (Feb. 14th), I’ve decided to start writing about it a bit.
Feb 25th
the key to jack's heart
always use “what” in wtf
Feb 23rd
1 tag
Your friend, Jark
Feb 22nd
if you like this icon better, raise your hand. PUT YOUR HAND DOWN CARLOS, YOU DON’T COUNT.
Feb 20th
omegle
You: where is your father right now?
You: last person thought "dead" was a location
You: what a moron
Feb 20th
1 tag
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
When I see the responses to this prompt on Okcupid, I feel that most people have polarised parts of their life into public things and private things, without considering that there are things in between. When someone asks to see what’s in their private bucket, they are appalled and state “if I told you, it wouldn’t be private anymore.” While this excuse may have worked...
Feb 17th
my name is jack and i collect paper products
Feb 16th
1 note
it's valentine's day
so let facebook suggest that you send gifts to every single girl on your friends list
Feb 14th
a sneeze so big it messes up your eyebrows
Feb 9th
more spam
Jack Humbert ? Hello! I am Mary, Are you single and trying to find someone to have fun? I am the one who can make you a wonderful company. Lets chat! Dear Mary, Are you: questioning whether or not you have sent an email to Jack Humbert? asking if I want to find someone who is able to have fun, or to have fun with that someone? implying that I am not already a wonderful company? implying...
Feb 9th
2 notes
you are not the demographic
Feb 2nd
1 note
it’s groundhog season
Feb 2nd
theire
a solution to a problem
Feb 2nd
1 tag
stalkers can be nice the ones that lie on the ground the ones that are dead
Feb 2nd
2 notes
how to find a screw you dropped in the carpet
you can’t. give up.
Feb 1st
1 note
January 2013
16 posts
Hey, is that my salsa?
YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT LOVE IS
Jan 27th
Does that smell like radiator coolant?
There are no answers for that, only problems.
Jan 26th
“What are some goals you have in life?” “I just want some Chinese food right now.”
Jan 25th
1 note
feeling a little hot?
accidentally dump some water down your shirt so it runs down your entire chest without stopping
Jan 25th
what to do when your milk has expired
what do you mean it expires is that why it smells funny
Jan 25th
Warning: No degrees available
Jan 22nd
1 note
1 tag
£:^
Jan 16th
1 note
i don’t know any normal people i don’t tow many normal people i don’t own many normal steeples i won’t grow many corns this season i won’t row many oars this season  i can’t write many more of these things
Jan 16th
you’ll walk alone until you trip                   and then you’ll sit have fun with that sitting can be fun
Jan 16th
1 note
“language is stupid! words is gay!” a cute little girl walked up to say. “that’s not very nice. you, hey. some are quite neat, wouldn’t you say?” “i don’t like me any. none. nay.” the man walked on over, out of his way, looked at her frown, and shouted “YAY. i need you to hear me, listen, k? go home and read. a screen, a book. even a...
Jan 16th
1 note
a list can do quite a few things but one it won’t is learn to sing
Jan 16th
“As I awoke, the words “I’m a fucking teapot” rang in my ears.”
Jan 11th
1 tag
Jan 11th
have you ever
had to make choices?
Jan 9th
Jan 8th
2 notes
December 2012
3 posts
shoot, how many days are there in december?
Dec 31st
Dec 23rd
175 notes
“He wasn’t a “Yes Man” as much as he was an “Mhm Man.”
Dec 10th
1 note
October 2012
1 post
be happy
or else
Oct 27th
September 2012
1 post
“I dropped out of college, and all I’ve to show for it is a job.”
Sep 21st
3 notes
August 2012
3 posts
1 tag
Aug 28th
how to stop people from freaking out about STDs call them STDizzles
Aug 7th
what’s that disease when you think things in real life are photoshopped?
Aug 3rd
1 note
July 2012
3 posts
1 tag
Jul 24th
300 notes
needless to say?
i know i do.
Jul 16th
hey
what’s a thing is this a thing yes good what thing ok
Jul 15th
1 note